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mAIN aBOUT mY_wAY aBO aRCHIVE
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Wooha, sorry!

Sorry, guys, I know it has been a while, but I was too lazy. Yep, no silly excuses, I was just lazy. :3 So, what happened? All in all, I'm still in the flat in Wellington and went through a little money shortage as I had to pay for a little keyboard that Antje convinced me to buy, and as I couldn't access my German bank account... so what. I'm okay, got a job as a "Sandwich Artist" (no joke, it's called like that) on Subway's, the job with NZPC is still on, and, thinking of it, I haven't had breakfast... Mpf.

In other news, not much happened, sadly enough. Looking towards your emails, guys :3 Aah, and thinking of it: I got myself a cell phone. Just in case anyone cares.

7.12.07 02:25


One underneath a million

So, there, new entry (obviously). I'm still in Wellington, and some things have changed, some for better, some for worse, but for the most I can't tell yet. I am probably not working any longer for Subways, for on the one hand, the job sucked, and on the other hand, I got a pretty bad back pain. Still curing it out, but at least I can again properly walk. And tomorrow I'll make some records for the keyboard parts of the new Black Inck songs "Viridian's Shade" and "Alkaline". For "Friday I eat Fish" I haven't got anything so far, sorry.

 

And I'm alone now. Antje and Georg just left about five minutes ago, taking the ferry to the south island tomorrow. That means I'm on my own now, once and for all. Maybe I'll leave in a few weeks, maybe I'll try to stick with Katha (a cute girl I met working for Subways), maybe I'll linger around here. Dunno. Duncare.

The weather's shitty by the way. And I need a shave. And L&P, a New Zealandish Cocacola-Lemonade is just fucking great. And the tax office fucked up with my account so maybe I'm not getting paid. Maybe. Maybe not.

Pretty many maybes for one entry, hm? Miss you guys. Don't forget about good ol' Kris, kay? 

13.12.07 09:14


Alas

So there, another news. I just took another looooong walk around (just in my shorts and shirt, barefoot and everything - it's pitch dark outside, you should have seen how they LAUGHED at me... heh.) And I decide more and more to leave soon, to somewhere else. Thought a lot and I think I'm beginning to understand more and more of my true self. That doesn't mean I have even a pale idea what I'm gonna do when I come back, but... it's a start, heh?

Plus, I think I'll start publishing the textes, poems and songtexts here that  I write over here. I think I'm going to start riiight away. :3

15.12.07 10:55


Prophets

You told me

They called you prophet

And you'd put all our mistakes to the light

And you were right

You showed me

What I lacked and what I missed

You tore out all my dark secrets

And never tried to make things look nicer

You always told the truth as gory, as violent as ever possible

Although you kept on telling me

How I can improve

How I can get better

A better person

A better teacher

A better friend

And you told me you really appreciate my presence

And you enjoy being with me

 

But can't you see

I don't need a prophet

Who slaps me with my own mistakes

Until I'm bloody with the truth

I need a friend

Who helps me handle them

I don't need a travel mate

Who appreciates me

I need a caring person

Who loves me

I don't need a teacher

Who helps me to get a better person

I need a chum

Who takes me as I am 

 

I don't need a prophet

I need a friend 

 

 

As we met him

You said

He was the loneliest person

That you ever met

In your whole life

But don't you think

That someone is far worse off

When he's so lonely

That no one sees his loneliness? 

15.12.07 11:05


Neon Lightning

Finally I can see the light
Shining in bright colors
Like a nightly lightning's strike
Shining bright but callous

It's promising me much luck
Like deriding all my pain
And the light won't give a fuck
So I see neon lightnings silently
Shining through the rain


Still it's all too much for me to see
All these neon lightnings flashing over me
I am standing alone in this cold, frightening rain
And I can feel quite nothing but a big black hole in my brain

Can't see the sun approach upon the cloudy sky
The neon lightning's buzzing sounds just like a lullaby
I'm sitting, singing, waiting, hoping, praying for another day
But the wind that keeps on blowing makes me feel just like
I should run away

 

My breath it freezes in the air
Breathing ice cubes
While watching people here and there
Playing wise dudes
Seems like I fucked up once again
How surprising
Beneath the neon lightning's rain
Supervising

But I know it's all a state of mind
My soul's on rain, the yours can shine
And when I'm drowning, it's your blame
The pain inside remains the same

And so I sit, so cold and soaked and scared
Waiting for the morning to finally arrive
Keep telling me the night will turn into the day
I might start to believe it and eventually
Won't feel down

15.12.07 11:15


A decent lection in replaceability

I never thought
It would be easy
To be the one who's left behind

Maybe you're right
And I'm just greasy
And maybe you are first in line

 

Maybe I'm wrong and you are right
Maybe I just can't win this fight
Maybe you're right and I am wrong
Maybe you knew it all along

 

I never thought
It would be easy
To be the one who'd leave it all

And if you're right
You'll surely tease me
And I'll be leaving on last call

 

But I am not the one who fakes
I think you're about to make mistakes
And you are about to lose your nerve
And we will both get what we deserve

 

You say you are fine
But I feel distortion, honey
And you'd decline
My life in desertion, honey
I appreciate
What you gave to me
A decent lection in replaceability
When you were unintentionally killing me
I got rid off all the fraction that was filling me
And learned my lection in replaceability

 

I never thought
It'd be this easy
To leave and keep the upper hand

And when you're done
With being sleazy
Then maybe you might understand

15.12.07 11:23


Another lection

Therefore, alas, I'm going on.

Just got message today, I'm now officially moving on ALONE, noone of the people I asked are coming down to Wellington in time and I don't wanna wait til New Years. So probably - when everything goes according to plan - I'll take the ferry on Thursday morning, and then hitchhike on. That means, for some exceptions, no more email, no more ICQ, no more Studivz, so enjoy your time with me

Was on the Christmas party from NZPC today, and I'm stuffed like I haven't been for weeks. I even got some takeaways, including some nutrition crackers for on the road. Good thing. Bad thing is I'll be all alone. Don't wanna.

Really don't wanna.

But I won't let myself down on that detail, will I?

 

"Some people walk through the rain. Others just get wet." 

18.12.07 07:22


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